He needs a Daddy more right now…

Right now my heart swells as I watch two kids play in the living room. A boy who verbally blames his sister for their moves is playing a game where his name is Luke and he’s 28 and in college to be an engineer. He is playing with sister and she’s a 16 year old with a boyfriend and her name is Haley (like her cousin up the street). I am so happy to see them playing. Their caseworker Mikole has told us that the kids don’t have a strong/healthy relationship and we are seeing that change in small, insignificant moments like this. I noticed a few days ago that a little C began calling her brother “bud” as we refer to him and most recently “bubba” as we call him to her. They have exclusively said each others names until only a few days ago. THIS IS HUGE. They are beginning to see each other in relationship to one another as opposed to just two passing strangers. These kids have been separated for months at a time while in DFCS custody so this is a beautiful thing to begin to see.♥♥♥♥

So I am sure that right now you are wondering where my title “He needs a Daddy more right now” comes from. It’s been hard lately for me to see Big C need Matthew more than me. I have had to work a lot harder and Matthew would agree to make a connection with both of the kids but more so with Big C. Big C has been in many placements and most have been lacking a Daddy, it is for this reason that he needs and wants Matthew more than me. It hurts that he wants Matthew often when he’s angry, sad and wanting to play a game. But here’s the truth; it’s not my job or even my right to try to change who he is and what he needs. My job is however to support, guide and encourage him to need and depend on me too but to meet him where he is right now. It’s hard but due to the kids having no solid male in their life’s they crave Matthew often over me and in part to their trauma they also want a male more so (or so I believe). It’s been easier to find sweet moments with Little C but today Big C asked to throw a Frisbee with me and last night he asked to cuddle (sit beside me and put his head on my shoulder). These are big deals right now and I try to make myself as available as I can…and say yes as often as I can.

On another note…

Yesterday my mom, my stepdad and my little brother all came for a afternoon visit. It was blissful. Yesterday was a gift from God. God knew we needed a reprise from  the fires and yesterday I think we were both worn out and were on edge anticipating issues but it was pure bliss.I saw two of my parents interact with what two kids who who are their first grand-kids and it made my heart soar. I saw BIG C cling to my brother Riker because, “he is so cool”, we went out to lunch, had laughs about a donkey (stuffed) names Eeyore who has been in the house hospital for 5 days now and a boy remarked “I must be a bad doctor if all he is doing is laying around” and he winked a little in my direction. He was assigned the role of doctor by his sister. We went for a ice-cream treat and we headed home. We took a tour of our rooms as the kids wanted to show their rooms and belongings off. We plan to truly decorate their rooms soon so they feel more like their rooms with their liking’s. We took pictures and just enjoyed our day.

….And today BIG C protected little c from a vicious bush attacking her unrelentingly ( LOL) but this is a far cry from his statements of wanting to hurt her, wanting her to leave this house and his wanting to never see her again in a fit of rage. We are making small, HUGE steps and this week we start two new things… 1). Afterschool program & 2). Therapy in home with a local, VERY qualified provider who is used to working with children from DFCS, praise God for this victory.

Much love,




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