Today was a day when my heart swelled a million times over. I find myself trying to take picture after picture mentally to capture each precious moment. Today however I couldn’t keep up. Today was a day that I will forever cherish. Today I went to work for part of the day and nothing especially spectacular happened. But today I saw a family begin to form. My eyes can’t even hold back tears as I type.
Today I saw a little girl laugh and and impersonate a grandma that we now call creepy grandma who hobbles around. I saw a boy who gave his best effort today and in that we saw great strides forward. Today I saw siblings make faces at each other and play for the first time together. I saw a family forming and it was a beautiful picture. Today we sat on the porch and talked as a little girl climbed in my lap and showed me her barbie hair salon hair styles that I had missed while at work. I had a boy wink at me, as I have done several times, when his sister was being especially silly.
Today we joked, laughed, visited and we just stayed at home. Today has only been 11 days. How do I capture these 11 days? Tonight as we ate dinner and joked I filled Matthew in on my work day and I looked to my right and left and these kids despite their deepest pains still revealed are somehow pushing on. How does their strength go beyond? How are they so strong? Thank you God I cry out right now! Thank you God for this most precious gift. I cry tears of sadness over their trauma and I cry tears over their healing and I cry happy tears. Basically I am crying 18 out of the 24 hours.
Somehow these kids bring me so much joy. A joy that had me leaving work early yesterday a joy that had me counting the hours till I could go home to play, cook, clean and just be with them. Tonight we had our first FRIDAY FAMILY FUN FESTIVITIES we rented a movie (Kubo and the Two Strings), oddly a movie that captured a story which paralleled theirs in someways. We picked out 1 candy each and it took forever, a little crying gleefully “How can I pick one, I want them all!” She had sensory overload and it was hilarious as she exclaimed “do you parents like these Tic Tacs?” After several choices and swaps she finally settled on WarHeads which we explained were sour and she exclaimed “I like sour!” We didn’t push it, we knew she’d find out soon enough…we got home, did hygiene and pajamas and settled into couch where they decided we had to watch together on one couch and we did. I had a girl snuggle beside me and a boy snuggle with Matthew. I asked her if I could play with her hair and she said a solid “YES” she drifted to sleep and nuzzled into my side. Today a boy told his sister she looked pretty and my heart grew 3 sizes.
“Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you.” Psalm 55:22
I am casting it all at your feet God. I cannot do this on my own. I cannot carry this load. I cannot parent without your guidance. I cannot without you. God is working miracles right now in this moment. You just don’t know. This is not on our own accord. I give Him all the glory. This journey is not for the faint of heart. You will be tested beyond your limits, you cannot adequately prepare for the courage you’ll need or the heartbreaks that you’ll endure. You can’t prepare to see this level of pain and trauma. But you also can’t know the greatest reward. When God calls He will provide through Himself and fulfill all his promises. Goodnight, my heart is full.