Manna from Heaven.

“In the evening quail came up and covered the camp, and in the morning dew lay around the camp.” v.13

Exodus 16:1-30

I am frustrated. I am weary. I am mad.

I want so badly to become a mother. To have a family, to begin this chapter. I don’t want to wait. But I am in the wait and that is where I am to stay for now.

This morning, when I was ready to surrender again {when we have come to the end of ourselves}, there He was. Ready to receive my weary, hurting heart. A message that began its deliverance last week but my heart wasn’t ready to receive. My heart was indifferent, justified, angry and bitter.  God knew, He was tender and careful but He knew the truth I needed. And this morning as my frozen solid heart began to thaw at approximately 9:55 a.m God brought the truth forward.

I was submerged in a text beginning in Exodus 16: 1-30, in this text we see the Israelite’s who have been taken from their “comfort”, in all actuality they were rescued. The Israelite’s are angry and thrusting their fists towards Heaven wishing they would of died in Egypt instead of being stranded in the desert away from meat pots and bread in abundance. They grumble at God just as God provides bread to sustain them. God gives them an abundance to cover them for the entire week, no more, no less, just exactly what they need. Moses and Aaron share with the people God intentions to provide completely and say “At evening you shall know that it was the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt and in the morning you shall see the glory of the Lord, because he has heard your grumblings against the Lord.” 

And their response? to grumble more. I thought to myself, man these Israelite’s have been spared, rescued and promised a deliverance, God is providing  RIGHT NOW and look how discontent they are. I shook my head at them and then like a wrecking ball my heart was shattered as I realized I was the “they”, I was “them”my heart was discontent, un-trusting and wavering even though God had promised Himself and had shown His plan. I was behaving as if I knew not my God, a God who has shown himself to be trustworthy, and God of sustaining, a God of rescue when the time is right.

One of the four books I am currently reading has been so incredibly timely titled; “Freefall To Fly” the author quotes a friend when she says “Hope and sorrow in it all; there’s rescue and there’s not.”

That last part in bold haunted me similarly to the authors experience. “I want to be rescued, I demand answers God. I demand a response, I want what I want. I want to know what the hold up is with adoption?” But then I repeat there’s rescue and there’s not.I grumble, all the while I am missing that his promise still stands, that does not however mean I am going to get what I want, when I want it.

And If I am being transparent I am not okay with this, not just yet but my icy heart has begun to melt. I am more okay today than I was yesterday, and more tomorrow than I am today. I am so busy grumbling and so busy being focused on what IS’NT happening that I find I am missing what IS, right now, in this moment. The beauty, the truth, the lesson, the preparing, the growth just being in the present and not being in the present looking forward or being in the present in order to satisfy the now to then move forward. NO, being in the present just to be there. Soaking up all the now has to offer and taking not a moment for granted.I am so busy just as the Israelite’s trying to put aside my own bread in order that I am sustained the following day, not trusting God to meet his commitments. All the while accepting His portion but not really trusting His portion to be enough and I continue to put some aside for a rainy day just in case He doesn’t come through. Taking God promise, and accepting his provisions but then having a plan B in case I don’t like what His plan holds isn’t faith, it is futile though. Because our very best plan A, B, C——-H, M, Q and Z will never hold a candle to Gods plan A.

As one of my Sunday School leader Bridget quoted this morning, Do We Sit and Suffer or Do We Proceed and Prosper. We aren’t promised that the wait will be easy but we are promised that when morning comes we will find dew, we will no matter what awake to a new day, a fresh start, a new opportunity to be okay in the wait. Because guess what? The wait is a promise that can never be broken, the wait will end when its ready to. Sometimes there is a time of trial, sometimes there is a time of learning a new skills or lesson and sometimes its just about being okay with where you are for no other purpose but to just be content in present. This mornings sunday school, sermon and songs were all knitted together and my heart heard a message that I needed desperately. My heart cried out and my tears had a release and I am working towards being refreshed through it all.

Below is the WAITING packing list: {Borrowed from Pastor Greg’s sermon this morning & added to}

>requires patience

>we give God the benefit of the doubt

>we wait still, even when there is no sign of an end

>laboring in the field and being okay to continue to labor until God’s time

>God will end the wait in His time and not yours….thats faith

> we don’t have to make things happen…

> don’t linger in comfort, instead exchange it for Christ

>Trusting in Gods plan and trusting His wait to be better

>Enjoying the time in the wait for all it has to offer

We are likely to forget to pack some of these here and there when we embark on the journey to Waiting. My mind is filled with so much from this morning and I needed to but thoughts into sentences since leaving Church this morning and I spewed out as much as my heart had to share. I know child you are out there waiting, and I am out here waiting. We will wait no longer when the time is right, until then we shall wait apart but together.

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