Dear Big C & Little C, After today my heart felt ready to write you. My heart has been swelling beyond my body these 28 days since you came into my life at 11:50 on a Monday night screaming as I took you from your ill fitted booster. A boy who exited the car and … More Dear____,
“Adoption has always been on my heart…and here we are.” … More Adoption thats a thought…
The other day I was reading a book to Little C. Ryann and I were on the couch taking turns reading to Little C. It was my turn to read a book and before I could begin to read the words out loud, I began to feel a burning sensation in my chest that traveled … More Dad Isn’t the Hero
It’s been 10 months little C. You’ve been in our life 10 months. It’s hard to believe some days and other days it feels like an eternity longer. You’ve come so far. You let us help you. You want us first for comfort. You are working on listening still… the first time and being kind … More Christmas is bittersweet
There has been some confusion at church in recent. There were concerns with things and how I was managing them. The concerns were legitimate and it was becoming a rather confusing mess. I felt myself becoming frustrated that my faults were made clear and I wasn’t sure if any of my positive actions were … More Beast of Burden
Here lately I’ve found myself watching, no admiring you more than before. I’ve watched you in amazement. How you’ve flourished and grown these 7 months. In many ways it’s seems you’ve been here for an eternity and other days I’m yanked back down into reality when I see your trauma responses marked by abrupt, absurd … More My girl.
I sit here and sob. I cry ugly tears; tears of pain and grief. Tears of wishing things were different. Tears of regret. Tears of confusion. Why have I been brought here? Did I bring myself here—or was this the plan all along? Some of you know and others don’t yet know. But BIG C … More This was never the plan.
BIG C is a fighter. I mean that both positively and negatively. He’s been through so much. He has had dozens of people let him down. He’s had numerous caseworkers, many homes/placements. Several school, lots of families, new sports, lost friends and nothing has been constant.BIG C PLAYING HIS NEW DRUM SET FOR HIS BIRTHDAY … More Trust is tricky 2.0
Imagine for a moment that your entire life has been a series of people abandoning you, for various reasons each time. However, each time its been in response to your behavior. You’ve been told you’re too much, too bad, too hard. You look around and see other kids with mom, with dads, with families and … More Trust is tricky…
A forewarning about this post before you read it: What I am about to write is not pretty. You may not want to hear this. These are honest thoughts and feelings. If you are worried that you will look at me differently if I say some blunt and hard to hear things, then this is … More How hard is it?
The ocean is interesting in its calmness and it’s calamity. Imagine as the water rushes into shore, the speed and power it brings with it. And in an instant it crashes into the sand! Wreaking havoc and dispersing sand, water splashes about and everything is … More The Ebb & Flow